i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
