did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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