Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
now i know why i became what i already was.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
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Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
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Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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