first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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