so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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