Kiss
Puke
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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