I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
