You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So much rum. So many feels.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
