its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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