I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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