i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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