dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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