oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
