But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
