Dude my mom stole all your condoms
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
