He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
