You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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