So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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