Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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