think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
