it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Tornado booty call.. dedication
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
