spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
