I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
