Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
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Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize