I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
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My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
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I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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