My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
