last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
