I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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