6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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