Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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