Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
