I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
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Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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