An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
