where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
