you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
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