I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
