We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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