May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
