We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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