Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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