either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
