so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
