If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
