So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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