I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
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Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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