***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
