my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
