I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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