I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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