he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
