I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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