You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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