Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
