Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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