I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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