Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
