i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
