wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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