I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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