nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
