im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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