Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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