So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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