I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
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I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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