I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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