You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
