I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Randomize
