he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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