She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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