I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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