my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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