Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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