I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
