I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
