I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
