Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
