i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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