someone get that fucking seahorse.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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