FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
