so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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