I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
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there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
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I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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