I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
