but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
