Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
