They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
