May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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