ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
