Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
