the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
