Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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