Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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