We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
