So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
