i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
