did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
