I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
