i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
