i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
